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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Doctor's Recommendation

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A doctor is meeting with a husband after examining his wife. The doctor tells him: "Your wife's diagnosis is uncertain. She either has Aids or she has Alzheimers."

The husband asks: "What should I do, doc?"

The doctor advises him: "Drive her five miles outside of town and drop her off. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

Question About A Blonde

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Why was the blonde's belly button red and hurting after sex?

Her boyfriend was also blonde.

Advice From Dad

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Guy catches his son jerking off: "Son don't do that, you'll go blind."

Son shouts back "Pop, I'm over here."

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Outpatient Surgery

I had to make a visit to my doctor yesterday to get a mole removed from my dick.

From now on I'm going to stick to sheep.

It's Like Icing On The Cake

A husband comes home from work one night and his wife asks him if he could fix the washing machine. He looked at her and said: "What do I look like, the Maytag repair man?" Then he grabbed a beer and plopped down on the couch.

The next night he came home from work and his wife asked him if he could fix the car. He looked at her again and said: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" And to the couch he went, beer in hand.

On the third night he gets home and the wife tells him: "Honey, you know that nice Mr. Johnson next door? Well today he came by and fixed the washing machine. Then he checked out the car, did a little work on that, and now it's running perfectly."

The husband rolls his eyes and says: "Great. How much did that cost?"

The wife says: "Nothing really. He said he'd do it all if I baked him a cake or gave him a blowjob."

The husband asked: "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"

And the wife shot back: "What do I lool like, Betty Crocker?"

And that's when the fight started...

Read Him His Rights

A female officer arrests a drunk. As she puts the cuffs on him she warns: "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you..."

Before she can finish the drunk shouts out: "Boobs"