A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Go For The Gold!

I told my wife, "Honey, I bought some Olympic condoms today. I think I'll wear Gold tonight."

She replied, "Why not wear Silver and not finish first for a change?"

And that's when the fight started...

Right Idea Wrong Place

You ever been by a place and thought "Man, if I went in there, I know I'd get laid." I get that feeling all the time - I live near a prison.

Safety First

When's the best time to put out the cat?

When it's on fire.

Why Don't You Kiss Me Like That?

I was walking in the park the other day with my wife when she pointed to a young couple sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" she asked.

"Honey," I replied, "I don't even know that woman!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

After I'm Gone

I was talking to my wife about what might happen after I died. I told her: Promise me one thing... that 6 months after I die you'll marry Bernie." She said: "I thought you hated Bernie."

"I do"

And that's when the fight started...

How To Score

A guy takes a girl out to dinner for their 1st date. She orders shrimp cocktail, filet mignon - medium rare, a loaded baked potato, the vegetable medley, and crème brulee' for desert. Then before the waiter leaves she adds a bottle of expensive wine.

The guy looks at her and says, "Does your mother feed you like that?"

She says, "No... but my mother's not looking to fuck me."

Barking Dog, Eventually Stops!

Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?

The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!