Two lawyers were leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home," says one. "As soon as I walk in the door I'm going to rip my wife's panties off."
"I know the feeling." his partner says.
"No, I'm serious," says the first guy. "They're killing me."
A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. "Would you maybe like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee?" He declines. "It’s this Viagra," he says, "It’s really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "It’s this Viagra," he says, "it’s really taken the edge off my appetite."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She tells hum "I’ll go to the store and buy you whatever you want. Maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe a pizza or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?" And once again he declines. "It’s this Viagra," he says, "it’s really taken the edge off my appetite."
"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I’m fuckin' starving."
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
Her navel.
We were at the couples pregnancy preparation class. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe & was telling the men how to give the necessary support to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just make several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
Then she turned to the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember, you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her." The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Wanting to get into the swing of things I quickly raised my hand and asked the instructor, "Would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk ?"
And that's when the fight started...