Why'd the bride slide down the bannister on her honeymoon?
To warm up her husband's dinner.
A priest goes to get his hair cut. When the barber's done, the priest goes to pay him, but the barber says, "No thanks, my friend. I couldn't take money from a man of the cloth." The next day the barber shows up for work and there's a dozen boxes of chocolates waiting for him with a thank you note from the priest.
That afternoon a rabbi comes in and the barber cuts his hair. When he gets done the rabbi goes to pay him, but the barber says, "No thanks, my friend, I couldn't take money from a man of the cloth."
The next day when he shows up for work, there's a dozen rabbis waiting for him.
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look too big.
I told her not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.
And that's when the fight started...