A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Hey Ma How 'Bout Some Cookies?

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigarette. So Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke one of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied.

The following day, Little Johnny was in the kitchen eating some cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny told him, "Then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies!"

Mystery Shopper

A woman asks the pharmacist if he carries extra-large condoms. The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy some?"

The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait for the next guy that buys a box?"

Get In The Swing Of Things

The cops show up at the house. There's a guy lying on the floor in a pool of blood and a woman holding a bloody 5-iron. One of the cops says, "Is that your husband?" She says, "Yep." He says, "He's dead." She says, "Yep." He asks, "Did you hit him with the golf club?" She says, "Yep." He says, "How many times?"

She says, "I don't know. Four, five ... put me down for four."

Why Don't You Kiss Me Like That?

I was walking in the park the other day with my wife when she pointed to a young couple sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" she asked.

"Honey," I replied, "I don't even know that woman!"

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Sign Of The Times

2 reasons I know I'm getting old. My memory's not as sharp as it once was & my memory's not so good anymore.

I Love Feminists

Why did the feminist cross the road?

To suck my dick. Booyaa!

Doggie Style

A guy, seeing two dogs going at it on the lawn says to his buddy, "You and your wife ever do it like that?"

"Only once" says his friend. "And it took 5 drinks to get her out in the yard."