A guy was talking to his buddy, "I learned a very important life lesson today. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I went over to my fiancee's house to look at the wedding invitations with her mom. Her mother's really sexy, and as we were looking at the invitations, she started rubbing my leg. Within a few minutes she leaned over and asked me if I'd take her upstairs and fuck her. I immediately got up and walked out the front door. On the way out I ran into her father. He smiled and told me 'You passed our little test, son. Glad to have you in the family.'"
"So what's the life lesson?" his friend asked.
"Always keep your rubbers in the glove box."
A car salesman sits down at a bar next to a hooker.
He orders a drink and says: "If I don't sell some cars I'm going to lose my ass."
The hooker looks at him and says: "Yeah... well if I don't sell some ass I'm gonna lose my car."
I was walking in the park the other day with my wife when she pointed to a young couple sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" she asked.
"Honey," I replied, "I don't even know that woman!"
And that's when the fight started...