All I Need Is A Little LSD
A guy asks his grandma, "Have you seen some pills around here? They are labeled LSD?"
His grandma replies, "Fuck your pills, there's a dragon in the kitchen!"
A guy asks his grandma, "Have you seen some pills around here? They are labeled LSD?"
His grandma replies, "Fuck your pills, there's a dragon in the kitchen!"
Three guys are arguing about who has the longest dick, and they decide the only way to find out once and for all is to go to the Observation Deck of the Empire State Building and hang them over the side.
The first guy says, "Check it out. My pecker reaches down to the 68th floor." The second guy says, "That's nothing. This beauty's dangling down past the 34th floor."
They look over and see the third guy jumping up and down and back and forth. The first guy yells at him, "What the hell are you doing?" He says, "Dodgin' traffic."
A nun walks into a liquor store and says, "Give me a pint of brandy." The guy says, "Sister, I've never sold alcohol to a nun." She says, "It's for the Mother Superior, she's constipated."
So he sells it to her. Later that night, he walks out, and there's the nun on the stoop, with the empty bottle, drunk as a skunk, singing and laughing. He says, "Sister, for shame. You told me the bottle was for the Mother Superior's constipation."
The nun says, "It is. She's constipated, and when she sees me, she's gonna shit."
My wife thought she would come on real sexy to distract me from the game. So she asked: "Honey, What do you have in your pants that's gonna wind up in my face?"
I looked up and said: "Wrinkles."
And that's when the fight started...