A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Best Friends Forever

Difference between a friend & a real friend?

A friend helps you move. A real friend helps you move a body.

And Now I'm Outta Here

Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?

She just couldn’t take it any longer.

I'd Like To See All Three

What's the difference between love, true love, and just showing off?

Spit, swallow, and gargle

My Wife Was Feeling Sick

Before I left for work my wife told me she wasn't feeling well. I told her: "Don't worry honey, you're not really sick."

She asked: "How do you know?"

I told her: "Because I didn't have to carry you downstairs to make my breakfast."

And that's when the fight started.

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I Came All Over That Place

Last night, I finally realized a longtime fantasy... I came all over my girlfriend's face.

Man, was she pissed when she woke up.

Natural Viagra

Morris walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I've got a constant erection. At first it was fun, but then it became painful and embarrassing."

He takes down his pants, and his hardon is sticking straight out. The doctor looks at it for a minute, then whacks it with two fingers. A little bug jumps off, scurries away and just like that the hardon goes right down.

Morris says, "Gee, Doc, that's great. How much do I owe you?"

The doctor says, "Help me find that bug and you don't owe me a thing."

Black Friday

A small business owner was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST BLACK FRIDAY DEALS.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST BLACK FRIDAY PRICES.

The small business owner panicked, until he got an idea.

He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop, it read: MAIN ENTRANCE.