A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Dick's Joke of the Day

Don't Need A Pen

What's the job application at Hooters?

They just hand you a bra and say: "Here, fill this out."

You're Never Too Old

Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

Her friend replies, "Oh sure I do." So the first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second one answers: "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

 

Come Before the Judge

What do you get when you sleep with a judge?

An honorable discharge.

Better Safe Than Sorry

I come home from work to find my wife in tears sobbing her mom passed away. She asks: "What should we do -- cremate her or bury her?"

I tell her: "Don't take any chances. Do both."

And that's when the fight started...

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Not Necessarily A Religious Test

You know why every woman doesn't go to heaven?

If they all went, it would be hell.

This Will Take Might Of Steel

Harry is 85 when he gets married to a 22-year-old. One night after his honeymoon he shows up at the local bar where all the guys want to hear about his wedding night.

"Well," Harry tells them, "We got to the hotel and my youngest son helped me out. First he carried me up the stairs. Then he helped me get undressed. Finally he lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so's me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of my sons came upstairs and lifted me off her."

One of his buddies asks him, "Why did it take your three sons to lift you off?"

Harry says, "'Cause I fought 'em."

Do I Know You?

My wife asked me to guess what she wanted for her birthday.

So I said: "Your face from 10 years ago?"

And that's when the fight started...