When It Rains It Pours

Why is a pussy like the weather?

Because once it's wet, you know it's time to go inside.

Peeing In The Shower Saves Water

My girlfriend's a real clean freak. She says it's disgusting to piss in the bathtub.

Next time maybe I should wait until she gets out.

Sometimes You Need A Break In The Action

Two Syrian hookers were talking about their problems. One said: "With the Russians jumping into this war we've got soldiers lined up around the block. I need a break!"

Her girlfriend agreed: "Yeah... I think we need to declare a no fly zone."

Let's Just Pretend

A new bride was embarrassed to be on her honeymoon. When she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear as if they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the luggage!"

And that's when the fight started...