Call The Coroner

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

Simple Test

Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a freezer?

The microwave, the other two leak when they're fucked!

Not Even GPS Will Help

A drunk walking home one night staggers into a tree. He backs up, takes a step, and runs into the tree again.

Two more times he bumps into the tree, then curses: "Great. I shoulda been home 2 hours ago, and here I am lost in the damn forest."

A New Accessory

My son gets behind the wheel of the car to take his first driving lesson. As mom gets in the passenger side he rolls down the window and asks: "Does this car have passenger side air bags?"

I said, "It does now."

And that's when the fight started...