DJ of the Day

I turned my whole life around.

I used to be depressed and miserable. Now I'm miserable and depressed.

A young guy walks into a bar and as he passes an old man sitting there the old guy looks up and blurts out: "I fucked your mother."

The young guy ignores the old coot and keeps on walkin' when the old guy shouts: "Your mother sucks my dick".

So the young guy turns back and says: "Dad... your drunk... go home."

What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?

Shoot him again.

When we first started dating I wanted to show my girfriend I was serious. So I changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship."

When I told her she said: "It should've been changd to 'under new management!'"

And that's when the fight started...

What'd the hockey player get on his SAT's?

Drool.

Here's Dick Johnson's secret to a happy marriage.

Two times a week, my wife and I go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

A good-looking teenage girl went out fishing with six older guys.

She came home with a red snapper.

Dick's Joke of the Day