A guy walks up to a girl in a bar and says, "Hello. I think I'd like to get to know you better. I'm 48 years old, I've been a Congressman for 10 years and I'm honest."
The girl says, "Nice to meet you. I'm 30 years old. I've been a hooker for 15 years and I'm a virgin."
What does a virgin and a balloon have in common?
One prick and it's all over.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "Why the long face?"
I was talking to my buddy on the phone when my wife walked in. It being Valentine's day she must have been curious when she heard me say:
"I gotta tell ya... I really spoiled her today..."
So with her curiosity running wild she continued to eavesdrop and heard the rest.
"First I bought her a lovely new scent.
Then I rubbed essential oils into her beautiful body.
And then I did the hoovering and the dusting.
Man, I really love that car."
And that's when the fight started...