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Dick's Joke of the Day

He Should Have Done The TIme

A wife woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house, and heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied.

"Well, I would have been released tonight."

And that's when the fight started...

How's Your Credit?

How is sex like credit?

It's the people who need it most who can't get any.

 

Smells Like A Good Time

What's the difference between pussy & pot?

If you can smell pot from across the room it's the good stuff.

A Dream Shattered

My wife came out of the shower, winked at me and said, "I shaved my pussy! You know what that means?"

I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Who's Your BFF?

One night my wife tried to get a rise out of me and make me jealous. She asked: "Honey, what would you say if I was having sex with your best friend?"

I told her: "I'd say you're a lesbian!"

And that's when the fight started...

Education Pays

A blonde psych major worked her way thru college as a prostitute.

For 50 bucks she screws with your mind.

The Billing Rules

Why does the bar association forbid lawyers & clients from having sex?

To prevent them from billing twice for essentially the same service.