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Dick's Joke of the Day

In Need of Repair

Why are women like a storm door?

The more you bang 'em ... the looser they get.

And once that happens ... not even a longer screw can fix it.

World Renown

I want you to know I'm famous for more than just this website. My dick was in the Guiness Book of World Records.

Until the librarian kicked me out.

A Smart Blonde?!

How is Santa Claus like a smart blonde?

They both don't exist!

The Happiest Man In The World

My wife and I were lying in bed last night. She gently leaned over and whispered: "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world."

So I leaned over and whispered back: "I'm going to miss you."

And that's when the fight started...

Don't Miss These Jokes!

Call Me Anything But Crazy

A man boards an airplane & takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up to see the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. "I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldberg , but my friends call me Bubba..."

In A Doctor's Waiting Room

Two guys are in a doctor's waiting room. The first guy asks, "Why're you here?" The second guy says, "Endoscopy. He's going down my throat with a camera. Why're you here?"

The first guy replies, "Camera up the ass." The second guy remarks, "Oh, a colonoscopy?"

The first guy tells him, "Nah. My old lady caught me taking pictures of the neighbor's wife sunbathing naked."

Not What You Think

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex... Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact family, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"