It's the spring, and the baby bear comes out of his cave. His knees are wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and bones, with big circles under his eyes.
His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were supposed to?"
He says, "Hibernate? Shit! I thought you said masturbate!"
I had to make a visit to my doctor yesterday to get a mole removed from my dick.
From now on I'm going to stick to sheep.
A blonde walks up to a salesman and says, "I want to buy this TV."
He says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
She goes for a complete make-over...she gets a haircut and new hair color, a new outfit, and puts on big sunglasses. She waits a few days and then she walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy this TV."
He says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
She says., "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
He says, "Because that's a microwave."
A guy's wife was totally letting herself go. So he tells her: "Your butt is getting huge. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" That night in bed, he tries to make a move on her and she totally shuts him down. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for just one little weenie?"
And that's when the fight started...