A nun came to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear confession. "Today Father Johnson told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then he opened my gates with his key."
"That bastard!" said Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."
Harry is 85 when he gets married to a 22-year-old. One night after his honeymoon he shows up at the local bar where all the guys want to hear about his wedding night.
"Well," Harry tells them, "We got to the hotel and my youngest son helped me out. First he carried me up the stairs. Then he helped me get undressed. Finally he lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so's me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of my sons came upstairs and lifted me off her."
One of his buddies asks him, "Why did it take your three sons to lift you off?"
