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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

It's Gonna Be One or the Other

Hits: 2609

An old couple's sitting in the living room. The wife turns to her husband and says, "Let's go upstairs and fuck." He looks back and tells her, "I don't know if I can do both."

What's Your Number?

Hits: 2815

I just bought the latest sleep-number smart bed. It detects when you're screwing your wife, locks the front door and turns on the stereo so your neighbors can't hear you. My number is 69.

That's Gratitude

Hits: 2934

I spent 5 thousand bucks on a boob job for the wife and she was thrilled. So I go another 2 grand on her nose job and she's ecstatic.

But I spend 50 bucks on a blow job and she goes ballistic. Fucking women.

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No Joking Around

I thought I would kid my wife a little, so I said: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, it's too long."

She shot back: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."

And that's when the fight started...

From Father To Son

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. The boy asks: "Dad, why do they make packs of just one condom?" Dad says: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Then the boy asls: "So, why do they make packs of three?" And dad says: "Those are for the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Finally the boy asks: "Then why do they make packs of 12?" And dad tells him: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March..."

Be Careful Where You Dump Your Load

Difference between women & a washing machine? Dump your load in a washing machine doesn't call a week later.