My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.
I'm not some kind of stud.
I'm a lazy bastard postman.
A man calls his wife into the bedroom. "I want to show you the new watch I got today."
She walks in and finds him with his pants down. "That's not a watch!" she says.
"It will be once you put two hands and a face on it."
Wife: "Will you love me when I'm old and fat?"
Husband: "I do."
And that's when the fight started...
What's the difference between a girl who spits and a girl who swallows?
A wedding ring.
