My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.
I'm not some kind of stud.
I'm a lazy bastard postman.
What do a grizzly bear and a limp dick have in common?
Don't fuck with them.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
...so, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started...
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots & starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
