Advice From Dad

Guy catches his son jerking off: "Son don't do that, you'll go blind."

Son shouts back "Pop, I'm over here."

A doctor told his patient her test results came back and she had a rare disease with only 6 months to live.

"That's such a short amount of time." the woman begged, "Isn't there anything I can do?"

"Marry a lawyer," the doctor told her. "It will be the longest six months of your life."

A girl's going across town in a cab. When she gets where she's going she discovers she has no money.

She lifts her skirt and says, "Cabbie, you want to barter?"

He takes a look and says, "Lady, haven't you got anything smaller?"

They finally came out new a new blonde paint.

It's not real bright, but it's cheap... and it spreads easy.