Out For A Drive

: Created: 12 August 2017; Hits: 3418

"Was your car ride with Grandma fun?"

"No Grampa. We didn't see any assholes, dumb bastards or shitheads."

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All In Due Time

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he told her with a wink.

That evening, he came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Excited, she opened it to find her gift - a paperback book titled "The Meaning of Dreams."

And that's when the fight started...

And That's Why I Went Hungry

Little Johnny goes to school. His first class is English, and the teacher wants the kids to say what they ate for breakfast and spell it.

Jenny raises her hand and says: "'toast' -- t o a s t." Bobby says: "my turn teacher 'eggs' -- e g g s." Little Johnny shouts out" "'fucking nothing' -- f u c k i n g n o t h i n g."

The teacher is furious and makes Little Johnny stand in the corner till the end of the English lesson.

The next class is geography. The teacher puts a map up and asks the class who knows where the Polish border lies.

Little Johnny shoots up his hand and says: "He's at home on top of my mom. That's why I got fucking nothing for breakfast!"

How Do You Know For Sure

How do you know if a hippie's been staying at your house?

He's still there.