Facts Of Life

Little Johnny: "Where do babies come from?"

Mother: "The stork brings them."

Johnny: "Who fucks the stork?"

What is the definition of confidence?

When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next Baby... !"

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?"

Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my d*ck this way!"

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons when a guy in a raincoat walks up and flashes them.

Two of them had a stroke. The third one's arms were too short.