Maid: "I want a raise. I fuck better than you."
Wife: "My husband said that?"
"No, all the landscapers."
A married couple has sex and it's a real quickie.
The wife cries because it's over.
And the husband smiles because it happened.
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69.
She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."