Tough To Find Good Help

Maid: "I want a raise. I fuck better than you."

Wife: "My husband said that?"

"No, all the landscapers."

A third-grade teacher is getting to know her class on the first day of school. She turns to one little girl and asks, "So what does your daddy do?"

The little girl replies, "Whatever Mommy tells him to."

Why was the nearsighted fly starving?

He couldn't see shit.

What is more messed up than fingering your sister?

Pulling your finger out and finding your dad's wedding ring.