Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke

High art... from a low place.

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave?

A microwave doesn't brown your meat!

I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.

Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.

What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water when the farmer's wife dropped it in?

Don't expect me to get hard so fast... I just got laid by some chick a minute ago.

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Mom giving advice to her daughter: "If a boy touches your boobies say 'don't' and if he touches your pussy say 'stop.'

Daughter's reply: "oh mom, I already know that. And last night my boyfriend touched both so I said 'don’t stop!'

What is a man's view of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

Old guy calls a plumber. "There's a leak over my kitchen table."

The plumber asks him "When did you first notice it?"

"After it took me two hours to finish my soup last night."

Ewwww