What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
An old couple sits down to breakfast on their Fiftieth Anniversary stark naked.
The wife says "Oh, Harold, this is just like fifty years ago...my breasts feel all warm and tingly..."
He says, "They ought to be, Gladys...one's hanging in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee."
What's a platonic relationship?
That's a friendship between a girl and a guy who wants to fuck her.
A man goes to a $10 hooker and gets the crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
