What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
They're too bitter.
My wife was telling me all about this new transgender thing... you know, where guys turn themselves into women. I said to her: "Yeah. Well that ain't nothin' You know how to turn a fox into an elephant?"
She said: "How?" I told her: "Marry it."
And that's when the fight started...
