Chip Off The Old Block

Toilet seat falls on kid's dick, runs to mom: Kiss it, make it better.

Mom: Every day more like your dad.

On our honeymoon night I asked my bride, "Honey... am I the first?"

She replied, "Why does everybody ask that?"

And that's when the fight started...

What do you call a black man who flies a plane?

A pilot you racist bastard.

What's the difference between love, true love, and just showing off?

Spit, swallow, and gargle