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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

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What's the recipe for a Honeymoon Salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

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Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a freezer?

The microwave, the other two leak when they're fucked!

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Who's the world's greatest athlete?

The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

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Survival Skills

Three nuns and a priest are stranded in the desert. Luckily, they come across a camel. So they all jump on and head off to find help. After a while the camel is totally exhausted and falls down dead.

The priest says " Well sisters, this looks like the end. Do any of you have any last request?"

The first nun says "Father I have never had sex before." So the priest thinking this is their last day on earth, says OK and has sex with her.

The second nun says " I too father have never had sex before." So the priest thinks well, why not, and has sex with her too.

The priest then asked the third nun if her request is the same. She says "Not exactly father. I would just like to know what is that between your legs."

The priest says "Sister, that is a penis. It was put there by god to give the gift of life."

The last nun then responds "Great! Stick it in the camel and let's get the fuck out of here."

A Good Choir Boy

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.

More Than One Use

One night while I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep my wife asked me a real stupid question: "Honey, why do you think god gave men a dick?"

I opened one eye and told her: "So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!"

And that;s when the fight started...