A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Depends On What You Call It

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Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?

Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Another Bingo!

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How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"?

Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"

Blonde Snowman

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Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?

Because you have to hollow out the head.

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Deductive Reasoning

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping. As they look up into the sky, Holmes asks, "Watson, tell me what you see."

Watson says, "I see millions of stars." Holmes then asks, "And what does that tell you?" Watson thinks for a minute then says, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes answers, "It tells me somebody stole our fucking tent."

Sex Explained

Basically there are 5 kinds of sex:

Smurf Sex - On your honeymoon you keep doing it until you're both blue in the face.

Kitchen Sex - At the beginning of your marriage you'll have sex anytime, anywhere - even in the kitchen.

Bedroom Sex - When you've settled down a bit, maybe have some kids, so you gotta restrict it to the bedroom.

Hallway Sex - You reach the point where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"

Courtroom Sex - Finally, you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of the whole courtroom.

Put Her In Her Place

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. You already told her twice.