Beggars Can't Be Choosers

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

I told my wife I was so pleased she treated me like a God. She looked at me and asked, "What do you mean?"

I told her, "Every evening at dinner you give me a burnt offering."

And that's when the fight started...

A termite walks into a bar and asks: "Where's the bar tender?"

When do you know you've been married too long?

The only reason you go down on it is because it doesn't talk back.