A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

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A little boy asks his dad: "What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"

So his father takes him up to the bedroom where mom is sleeping. "Look at this," he says as he lifts the covers carefully. "That's a pussy son."

"It's wonderful dad, can I touch it?"

"No!" says Dad. "If you touch the pussy you'll wake the cunt up!"

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You know why every woman doesn't go to heaven?

If they all went, it would be hell.

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What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?

They both have a description of the animal on the front of the cage. The Southern zoo includes a recipe.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Musings From George Burns

1st you forget names, then faces. Next it's pulling your zipper up, And finally you forget to pull it down.

Remembering Our Vows

It was our anniversary and I asked my wife if she remembered out wedding vows when the minister said "for better or worse?"

She said: "Yeah... You couldn't do any better and I couldn't do any worse."

And that's when the fight started...

Almost Crapped My Pants!

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work. Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself. Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.

She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost.

He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."