What species of bird is known to give the best head?
The swallow!
What does a Polish girl get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
A new last name.
My wife cheats when we play board games. Last night I'm playing Monopoly with the kids and she was in the garage bangin' the landscaper.
A doctor told his patient her test results came back and she had a rare disease with only 6 months to live.
"That's such a short amount of time." the woman begged, "Isn't there anything I can do?"
"Marry a lawyer," the doctor told her. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
