A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

It's 11 pm...

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What do you call a man who lost all his intelligence?

A widower.

Just Like Your Father

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The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Can't We All Just Get Along?

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Peace comes at a price. If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Another Vocabulary Lesson

Teacher to the class: "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

So Little Johnny raises his hand: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher said looked puzzled but answered: "Of course not Johnny."

To which Little Johnny answered: "Then I have definitely crapped my pants."

How To Spend a Fun Afternoon

A cop pulls a guy over with a pickup truck full of penguins. He says:"You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says OK, and drives off.

The next day, the cop sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, only now they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over again and barks at him: "I thought I told you yesterday to take these penguins to the zoo?"

The guy answers back: "I did ... today we're going to the beach!"

Where Is The Nearest ATM?

A plumber, an electrician, and an accountant walk into a strip club.

The electrician calls a blonde over, licks a ten-dollar bill and slaps it on her ass. Then the plumber licks a fifty-dollar bill and he too slaps it on her ass.

The accountant takes out his ATM card, swipes it in the crack of her ass, reaches over and grabs the sixty bucks.