What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The hooker sucks harder when you smack her.
Wife: "Will you love me when I'm old and fat?"
Husband: "I do."
And that's when the fight started...
My wife called me on Valentines Day and said, "Three of the girls here in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine's Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."
I said, "That's probably why they received flowers."
The blonde said: "I want French fries and a diet Coke."
The librarian looked at her and snapped: "This is a library!"
So the blonde leaned in and whispered: "Sorry ... I want French Fries and a diet Coke."
