What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The hooker sucks harder when you smack her.
My wife and I were discussing the recent death of a friend. She asked me: "Why do you think men die before their wives?"
I said: "Because they want to."
And that's when the fight started...
A man tells his wife "I want to take a picture of your boobs so I can remember them like this forever."
The wife replies "I want to take a picture of your dick so I can enlarge it."
I bet my wife she couldn't piss me off and make me happy at the same time.
"No problem" was her reply, "Your dick is a lot bigger than your brother's."
