What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liqour cabinet.
A woman at the Pearly Gates asks St. Peter, "Is my husband here? My name is Johnson." St. Peter says, "Well, that's not enough information."
She says, "OK... his name is Dick Johnson and he told me that after he died, if I was ever unfaithful, he'd roll over in his grave."
St. Peter says, "Oh .. you mean Pinwheel Johnson!"
Did you hear about the junkie that was addicted to brake fluid?
He said he could stop anytime.
I used to get a hard-on just watching my wife eat a banana.
Now I only get a hard-on if she's choking on it.
