How did Pinocchio find out he was made out of wood?
His hand caught fire.
If Gin makes you grin and Whiskey makes you frisky, what makes you pregnant?
Two highballs and a squirt.
"Was your car ride with Grandma fun?"
"No Grampa. We didn't see any assholes, dumb bastards or shitheads."
My wife suggested we go to a marriage counselor to work on our relationship. I said sure. We get there and the therapist asks me to tell how I felt.
I said: "I knew right from the beginning our marriage wouldn't work. I'm an Aquarius and she's a cunt."
And that's when the fight started...
