A guy visits the psychiatrist and tells him: "Doc, I need help, I think I'm turning into a dog. Every morning when I wake up I scratch behind my ear, like I'm looking for fleas. Then in the afternoon I run around in circles, like I'm chasing my tail. By the evening I lay down and lick my balls, just because I can. Doc, this has got to stop."
The doctor looks at him and asks: "Do you want to stop now?" The guy says: "Yes, yes"
So the doctor rolls up a magazine, swats the guy on the ass and yells: "Get off the couch!"
Johnson is standing on the train platform when the guy next to him waves and yells" "Goodbye! Your wife's a great fuck!"
Johnson is shocked and asks the guy: "Who were you yelling to?" The guy tells Johsnon: "That's my brother." "Wow" Johnson tells him, "That's incedibly insensitive!"
The guy says: "Actually I'm very sensitive. My brother's wife is a lousy fuck. I didn't want to hurt his feelings."