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Just Plain Funny

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TGIF

Created: 15 March 2016
Hits: 3096

Here's Dick Johnson's secret to a happy marriage.

Two times a week, my wife and I go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Get A Job

Created: 05 March 2016
Hits: 3155

I'm trying to write a joke about unemployed people.

It needs more work.

Time's Up

Created: 04 March 2016
Hits: 2997

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the guy what he wants. He says, “Oh, just gimme a beer”.

The bartender asks him “What's wrong, you look really down.”. The man replied, “My wife and i got into a fight and she told me she wouldn't talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats the problem?”

The man said, “Well... the month's up tonight.”

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Is Delivery Included?

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

(With thanks to the great Henny Youngman.)

Only Fools Fall In Love

My wife and I had our usual back and forth at breakfast when I finally said: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice."

And that's when the fight started...

Ho Ho Ho, Now This Is A Merry Christmas

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?"

Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my d*ck this way!"

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