There's A Card For Everything

Hallmark Card fail:

"My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. Looked underneath and noticed your cat."

What did one tampon say to the other?

Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

I told my wife: You know the trouble with most women? They get all excited over nothing!"

She said: "Yeah, I know what you mean, I married him."

And that's when the fight started...

The difference between a slut & a bitch? A slut will screw anyone. A bitch will screw anyone but you.