Every Frickin' Joke - Results from #952

Bingo!

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 24 February 2015; Hits: 3023

How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?

Put up a "Bingo" sign.

Get Back In The Kitchen!

: Category: And that's when the fight started...; Published: 23 February 2015; Hits: 2403

My wife asked me to get her a watch for her birthday.

I told her, "What for...there's a clock on the stove!"

And that's when the fight started...

Warm Apple Pie

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 22 February 2015; Hits: 2480

What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?

You can eat your Mom's apple pie.

Mooooooo

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 21 February 2015; Hits: 2551

How do you turn a fox into a cow?

Marry her.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Sexting

I woke up this morning with a text that seemed to have been sent to me by accident. It read,

"Hi... be home soon. Love ya, Dave xxx"

Being Valentine's Day I thought I'd have a bit of fun so I texted the guy back:

"Don't bother, I don't love you. You're a son of a bitch and I've been banging your brother."

I couldn't wait for the reply, then it came:

"You OK mom?"

My Favorite Pastime

I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.

Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."

In The Classroom

The teacher asked the class: "What's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde raised her hand and answered: "W"