I've got a new hobby -- collecting empty bottles.
Sounds a lot better than "I'm an alcoholic."
I told my wife our credit cards were stolen, but I'm not reporting it.
She asked why not?
"Cause the thief spends less than you do."
And that's when the fight started...
What does it mean when they fly the flag at half staff at the post office.
They're hiring.
A guy visits his doctor. He walks in with a banana stuck in one ear, a carrot in the other and a french fry up his nose.
He says, "Doc, I feel terrible."
The doc says, "You're just not eating right."
