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The Doctor Will See You Now

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The receptionist calls the doctor into the waiting room in a panic: "Doctor, the patient you just treated died on his way out the door. What should I do?"

The doctor says, "Turn him around so it looks like he died on the way in."

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Under Pressure

I ripped one watching the TV with my wife when she asked: "Why do men fart more than women?"

I told her: "'Cause women won't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure."

And that's when the fight started...

They Never Grow Up...

Why is psychoanalysis faster for men than women?

When he has to go back to his childhood he's already there.

All Alone On Thanksgiving

It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.

“Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter.

“Did it not taste good?” her mother asked.

“I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”