Every Frickin' Joke - Results from #964

Single And Ready To Mingle

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 15 February 2015; Hits: 1965

This is going to be the 1st Valentine's Day I was single in almost 10 years. I'm kind of excited...

I just hope the wife feels the same way when she finds out.

You, My One And Only

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 14 February 2015; Hits: 2347

The day before Valentine's day I was looking for the perfect card for my wife when I saw something strange.

On the front of one of the cards it said, "I love you and only you."

By itself it may not sound strange, but this was a package of 20 cards.

Going Postal

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 14 February 2015; Hits: 2283

My apartment is full of Valentine's cards.

I'm not some kind of stud.

I'm a lazy bastard postman.

Not That Kind Of Table

: Category: Just Plain Funny; Published: 14 February 2015; Hits: 1908

Just booked a table for me and the wife for Valentine's Day.

Hope the bitch knows how to play snooker.

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You're Not Going To Feel A Thing

Girl finishes screwing a guy and says: "You said you're a dentist?" "Yes, I am." he proudly replied.

"You must be a great dentist." "Why do you say that?"

"I didn't feel a thing."

Like Father, Like Son

If my son farts or has his hands down his pants, my wife smiles and says, “Like father, like son!”

Yesterday we caught him screwing the neighbor, but for some reason it wasn’t so funny when I said it.

Creative Writing Class

College professor to her creative writing class, "Your assignment - write the shortest story you can that includes religion, sex and mystery."

Only one girl got an A on her paper. She wrote: "Good God, I'm pregnant ... I wonder who did it?"