How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.
Man is incomplete until he’s married.
Then he’s finished.
My wife thought I was too damn bossy, always acting like a typical male, so she called me a male chauvinist pig.
I looked at her sweetly and said: "Honey, the only thing worse than a male chauvinist pig is a woman who won't do what she's told."
And that's when the fight started...
How are fat chicks like a moped?
They may be fun to ride if you got nothin' better, but you wouldn't want your friends to find out.
