Honeymoon morning after. Wife: "You're a lousy lover."
Husband: "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?"
Why does a dog lick himself?
He can't make a fist.
Why do you get paid more at The Sperm Bank than at The Blood Bank?
Sperm is handmade.
I came home last night with a half gallon of rocky road and asked my wife: "Want some ice cream?" So she responded: "How hard is it?" I told her with a wink: "As hard as my dick!"
She said: "Great, pour me some."
And that's when the fight started...