That's Her Opinion

Honeymoon morning after. Wife: "You're a lousy lover."

Husband: "How can you tell after only 30 seconds?"

Why'd my wife cross the road?
To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

A woman was in bed screwing her husband's best friend when the phone rang

After hanging up, she says, "That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."