My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw, so she said: "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
A lady goes into a sporting goods store and tells the salesman, "I need a present for my son's birthday." The salesman suggests, "How about this skateboard?" She asks, "How much?" He says, "Forty-nine ninety-five." She says, "Too much." Then he suggests, "How about this baseball bat?" She asks, "How much?" He says, "Eight ninety-five." She says, "Great, I'll take it." He then asks, "You wanna ball for the bat?" She says, "No ... but I'll blow you for the skateboard."