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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Grandma Is Rockin' The Boat

Hits: 3779

I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69.

She said, "No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."

Over Her Dead Body

Hits: 3152

How can you tell if your wife's dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

A Real Blonde

Hits: 3401

Cop: "Are you a natural blonde?" Blonde: "Yeah."

Tosses his ticket book, starts pulling down his zipper

Blonde: "Oh, no, not another Breathalyzer test."

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Time's Up

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the guy what he wants. He says, “Oh, just gimme a beer”.

The bartender asks him “What's wrong, you look really down.”. The man replied, “My wife and i got into a fight and she told me she wouldn't talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats the problem?”

The man said, “Well... the month's up tonight.”

In Need of Repair

Why are women like a storm door?

The more you bang 'em ... the looser they get.

And once that happens ... not even a longer screw can fix it.

Not Like She Used To Be

A wife arrived home after a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a cute little hottie.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house in anger, her husband stopped her and begged to explain: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl. She was looking poor and tired, so I offered her a ride. She said she was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the fridge. Her shoes were worn out, so I offered her the pair you didn’t wear because you thought they went out of style. She was cold so I gave her that birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours, the ones you said didn’t fit anymore. Then as this poor young lady was about to leave, she paused at the door and asked me, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?'"

"And so, here we are!"