How can you tell if your wife's dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
I come home from work to find my wife in tears sobbing her mom passed away. She asks: "What should we do -- cremate her or bury her?"
I tell her: "Don't take any chances. Do both."
And that's when the fight started...
Why were the two whores travelling in London pissed off?
Because they found out that Big Ben was a clock!
