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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

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You didn't know old Dick Johnson is a bit of a poet, did you. Yep! My dick is a Longfellow.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What about a deer with no eyes & no legs?

Still no idea.

And a deer with no eyes, no legs & no dick?

Still no fuckin' idea.

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You know why men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?

Because they are tired of using their own.

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Pray For Me

Willie goes to a revival meeting for some much needed prayer. The preacher says, "Whoever needs to be healed-UH... come for-ward-UH... come to the al-tar-UH... ask for the heal-ing-UH..." Willie gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher says, "All right my son, what do you need me to pray for?" Willie says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one hand over Willie's ear, puts the other hand on top of Willie's head, and prays and prays and prays. After a few minutes, the preacher takes his hands away, stands back, and says, "Son, how is your hearing now?"

Willie says, "I don't know preacher. My hearing ain't 'til next Wednesday."

Where's My Gun?

Women are like guns.

Keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it.

I'm Going To Disneyland!

A guy wanted to have sex with his wife. So he gave her a wink and popped a Viagra.

His wife looked at him and said: "You know why Viagra is just like Disneyland? They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride!"

And that's when the fight started...