You didn't know old Dick Johnson is a bit of a poet, did you. Yep! My dick is a Longfellow.
Maid: "I want a raise. I fuck better than you."
Wife: "My husband said that?"
"No, all the landscapers."
Baby seal walks into a bar.
Bartender says "What'll it be?"
Baby seal says "Anything but a Canadian Club."
Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
