You know why men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.
I told my wife our credit cards were stolen, but I'm not reporting it.
She asked why not?
"Cause the thief spends less than you do."
And that's when the fight started...
A woman at the Pearly Gates asks St. Peter, "Is my husband here? My name is Johnson." St. Peter says, "Well, that's not enough information."
She says, "OK... his name is Dick Johnson and he told me that after he died, if I was ever unfaithful, he'd roll over in his grave."
St. Peter says, "Oh .. you mean Pinwheel Johnson!"
Why are roach clips called roach clips?
Because "pot holder" was already taken.
