You know why men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.
How do you get a really fat girl into your bed?
Piece of cake.
The difference between buying a lottery ticket and fighting with your wife?
You have a chance at winning the lottery.
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look too big.
I told her not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.
And that's when the fight started...
