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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

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Jerk off with hand sanitizer... do you still wash your hands when you're done? (Just askin' for a friend)

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Cop stops a young prostitute on the street & asks: "What would your mother say if she saw you out hooking?"

"She'd be pissed as hell... this is her corner!"

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One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."

The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?"

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Until I Met A Guy Who Had No Feet...

A guy wakes up in the hospital: "Doc, I can't feel my legs!"

Doc: "That's because we amputated your arms."

A Lesson Learned

A guy was talking to his buddy, "I learned a very important life lesson today. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I went over to my fiancee's house to look at the wedding invitations with her mom. Her mother's really sexy, and as we were looking at the invitations, she started rubbing my leg. Within a few minutes she leaned over and asked me if I'd take her upstairs and fuck her. I immediately got up and walked out the front door. On the way out I ran into her father. He smiled and told me 'You passed our little test, son. Glad to have you in the family.'"

"So what's the life lesson?" his friend asked.

"Always keep your rubbers in the glove box."

You're Having My Baby

Guy goes to his boss and asks for a day off, proudly saying: "My wife's gonna have a baby!" The boss tells him of course you can take the day off.

Two days later the guy shows up for work and the boss asks him: "So... was it a boy or a girl."

The guy replies: "How do I know... it takes nine months!"