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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and suck on his dick!

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What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.

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How are fat chicks like a moped?

They may be fun to ride if you got nothin' better, but you wouldn't want your friends to find out.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Whore Or A Bitch?

The difference between a whore & a bitch?

A whore fucks everyone at the party. The bitch? Everyone but you.

The Most Important Meal Of The Day

My wife and I were sitting at breakfast having bacon and eggs. I told her: Darling, you're just like bacon... you look, smell and taste fantastic!"

Thanks she said... before I added: "And your both killing me slowly."

And that's when the fight started...

Why A Guy Hates Valentines Day

Valentines day is just a massive hassle:

1. Remember to text my girlfriend a big lovey dovey message at the start of the day.
2. Remember to buy her a card in my lunch break.
3. Buy her some more crap in the rush hour after work before I meet her.
4. Take her to a fancy restaurant and pay for a pointlessly expensive meal.
5. Take her back to her place and give her some gentle, passionate love when all I want to do is excessively bang her.

And I have to do all this, then drive home without my wife finding out!