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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Just One Question

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I think I know the answer... but I'm gonna ask it anyway, Would you rather meet your girlfriend in the park or park your meat in your girlfriend? Just what I thought!

Black Listed

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Three couples, one older, one middle-aged and one newlywed want to join a church club. So they go down to the church to meet with the pastor who is responsible for screening couples before they join. After the pastor tells them about all the benefits of joining, he explains that in order to qualify, they must refrain from having sex for one month. If they fail they would not be approved for membership. The three couples each agree and head on home.

A month later, the three couples return and and sit down again with the pastor. He asks the older couple if they had abstained from having sex. The older couple replied, "Oh yeah, no problem." and they are allowed to join.

Next the middle-aged couple were asked the same question and their reply was the same. So they too were approved for membership.

Finally the pastor asked the newlyweds the same question and the husband responded: "Well, it went great for a couple of weeks. But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on a shelf and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just couldn't stand it. That's when I said the hell with it and screwed her right there."

The pastor was shocked but said: "You realize that now you won't be allowed into the club."

The husband replied: "Oh that's okay, we're not allowed back into Safeway either!"

Get My Gun

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There once was a farmer who had three daughters. All three were going on a date on the same night, so he decided to meet their dates at the front door with a shotgun, just to let them know he was protective.

The first boy showed up and said "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" The farmer approved and sent them on their way.

Then the second boy arrived and he said "Hi, my name is Freddie, I'm here for Betty. We're going for spaghetti. Is she ready?" The farmer approved and sent them on their way as well.

Finally, the third boy arrived and he said "Hi my name is Chuck, ..." And the farmer shot him.

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Some Good Advice Girls

When would you want a man's company?

When he owns it.

Not Like She Used To Be

A wife arrived home after a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a cute little hottie.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house in anger, her husband stopped her and begged to explain: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl. She was looking poor and tired, so I offered her a ride. She said she was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the fridge. Her shoes were worn out, so I offered her the pair you didn’t wear because you thought they went out of style. She was cold so I gave her that birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours, the ones you said didn’t fit anymore. Then as this poor young lady was about to leave, she paused at the door and asked me, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?'"

"And so, here we are!"

Hide Your Cows!

My wife was on the rag and really acting like a pain in the ass. So I figured I throw some gas on the fire and told her: "I figured out why they call it PMS... Mad Cow Disease was already taken!"

And that's when the fight started...