A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

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A baby polar bear goes to his mama and asks: "Am I a real polar bear?"

His mama assures him: "Of course you are. You're my son and we live in the north pole."

Then the baby bear goes to his father and asks: "Dad, am I a real polar bear?"

His dad tells him: "Yes you are son. You have big paws and you're white just like me. Why do you ask?"

"Cause I'm fuckin' freezing."

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How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?

Marry her.

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Why can't lesbians adopt a child?

Because they don't serve minors to lickers.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

We Love Our First Responders

A fire chief just got married. On their honeymoon he informed his new wife that their home would be run like a firehouse... they would have sex on the bell system.

He proceeded to explain that One Bell meant take your clothes off... Two Bells meant get into bed... and Three Bells meant start fooling around.

The chief came home from work one evening and decided to try out his system. First he hollered ‘One Bell’ and his wife took off her clothes. Then he hollered ‘Two Bells’ and she got into bed. Finally he hollered ‘Three Bells’ and they started fooling around like crazy.

A few minutes later the wife yells "Four Bells." "Four Bells?" the chief asks, "What the hell is Four Bells?"

"Let out more hose, You're nowhere near the fire!"

Ask Sherwin Williams

They finally came out new a new blonde paint.

It's not real bright, but it's cheap... and it spreads easy.

Don't Need A Pen

What's the job application at Hooters?

They just hand you a bra and say: "Here, fill this out."