A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

Baby Polar Bear

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A baby polar bear goes to his mama and asks: "Am I a real polar bear?"

His mama assures him: "Of course you are. You're my son and we live in the north pole."

Then the baby bear goes to his father and asks: "Dad, am I a real polar bear?"

His dad tells him: "Yes you are son. You have big paws and you're white just like me. Why do you ask?"

"Cause I'm fuckin' freezing."

Paralysis Comes Easy

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How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?

Marry her.

Adoption Laws

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Why can't lesbians adopt a child?

Because they don't serve minors to lickers.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

No Guarantees in the After Life

My wife and I were having a discussion about heaven. I told her she shouldn't worry 'cause she'll never get there. She asked: "How can you say that?"

I told her: "Because dragons never fly above 8,000 feet."

And that's when the fight started...

It's Like Icing On The Cake

A husband comes home from work one night and his wife asks him if he could fix the washing machine. He looked at her and said: "What do I look like, the Maytag repair man?" Then he grabbed a beer and plopped down on the couch.

The next night he came home from work and his wife asked him if he could fix the car. He looked at her again and said: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" And to the couch he went, beer in hand.

On the third night he gets home and the wife tells him: "Honey, you know that nice Mr. Johnson next door? Well today he came by and fixed the washing machine. Then he checked out the car, did a little work on that, and now it's running perfectly."

The husband rolls his eyes and says: "Great. How much did that cost?"

The wife says: "Nothing really. He said he'd do it all if I baked him a cake or gave him a blowjob."

The husband asked: "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"

And the wife shot back: "What do I lool like, Betty Crocker?"

And that's when the fight started...

In Time For Windows 10

Why is sex like Microsoft Windows?

For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it free.