How is Santa Claus like a smart blonde?
They both don't exist!
What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
Goes-in-tight!
I came home last night with a half gallon of rocky road and asked my wife: "Want some ice cream?" So she responded: "How hard is it?" I told her with a wink: "As hard as my dick!"
She said: "Great, pour me some."
And that's when the fight started...
My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.
When I came back she asked what did I get. I told her I got drunk.
