Say What?!

A guy says to his new girlfriend: "Why are you always playing with my balls?"

She says: "Because I miss mine."

A guy's in his car with a girl and says, "How about a hand job?"

She says, "What do I have to do?"

He says, "Remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it? Just do that."

She grabs it and does it. A few minutes later, he starts screaming. She says, "What's wrong?"

He says, "Take your fucking thumb off the end."

Why'd my wife cross the road?
To get back to the shoe store we were in three fucking hours ago.

Last Christmas grandpa surprised eveyone and made snow angels.

He skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians.