My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I told her I got a girlfriend.
And that's when the fight started...
Duck walks into a whorehouse, asks the madame: "If I pick out 1 of your whores will you put it on my bill?"
What's the difference between sin and shame?
It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
A guy is having dinner with his girlfriend at a restaurant when he suddenly gets down on one knee.
His surprised girlfriend begins to say: "This is so sudden..." When the guy interrupts: "Shhh... my wife just walked in!"