Women Are Emotional

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...

My wife thought I was too damn bossy, always acting like a typical male, so she called me a male chauvinist pig.

I looked at her sweetly and said: "Honey, the only thing worse than a male chauvinist pig is a woman who won't do what she's told."

And that's when the fight started...

Why is sex like Microsoft Windows?

For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it free.

How can you tell if your wife's dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.