Why is a woman like a car?
On a cold morning when you need it the most, she won't turn over.
What's the difference between a husand and a wife?
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.
My wife was in labor with our first kid and she's cursing and screaming at me the whole time.
I told her: "Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to stick it in your ass but you said, 'No, that'll hurt.'"
And that's when the fight started...
My wife and I were having a discussion about heaven. I told her she shouldn't worry 'cause she'll never get there. She asked: "How can you say that?"
I told her: "Because dragons never fly above 8,000 feet."
