How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?
Because every time Mrs. Smokey gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's dick.
My wife was amazed to read about a farmer who claimed he sold a cow with a pussy like a woman for $10,000.
I told her: "That's not amazing, that's irony. Here I am with you... a pussy like a cow, and you ain't worth shit."
And that's when the fight started...