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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

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Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?

There's not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning.

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After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs.

If my wife finds out, she'll fucking kill me.

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A guy, seeing two dogs going at it on the lawn says to his buddy, "You and your wife ever do it like that?"

"Only once" says his friend. "And it took 5 drinks to get her out in the yard."

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Make A Wish

Little Johnny's parents got divorced. One night Little Johnny walked past his mother's bedroom, the door was open, and he sees his mother lying on her back playing with herself, saying "I need a man... I need a man..."

A few nights later he walks past her bedroom again, the door's open, and he sees his mother with a man on top of her.

Little Johnny runs to his room, jumps on his bed, pulls down his pants and starts playing with himself, saying, "I need a bike... I need a bike... "

Smells Like A Good Time

What's the difference between pussy & pot?

If you can smell pot from across the room it's the good stuff.

Get In The Swing Of Things

The cops show up at the house. There's a guy lying on the floor in a pool of blood and a woman holding a bloody 5-iron. One of the cops says, "Is that your husband?" She says, "Yep." He says, "He's dead." She says, "Yep." He asks, "Did you hit him with the golf club?" She says, "Yep." He says, "How many times?"

She says, "I don't know. Four, five ... put me down for four."