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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Bad News And Bad News

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A wife tells her husband: "I have good news & bad news." The husband says: "Just give me the good news."

The wife: "The paperboy isn't sterile."

What A Ride!

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Two little old ladies were at the slots in Atlantic City. One asks: "So... did you come on the bus?"

Her friend replied: "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

What Just Happened?

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What's the differece between a husband and a boyfriend?

45 minutes.

Page 76 of 180

Don't Miss These Jokes!

No Dope, No Joke

Old Dick is no dope. Here's a piece of advice you should always follow: Whenever you have a one night stand, always use protection -- a fake name and a fake number.

Against The Code Of Ethics

A woman is in her doctor's office, when she suddenly shouts out, "Doctor, kiss me". The Doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her.

About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out "Doctor, please, kiss me just once". Again he refuses, apologetically, but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her.

Finally another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with the doctor, "Doctor, Doctor, please kiss me just once!!"

"Look" he says, "I'm sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be screwing you either."

So That's How It Happened

I told my wife: You know the trouble with most women? They get all excited over nothing!"

She said: "Yeah, I know what you mean, I married him."

And that's when the fight started...