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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Bring Out The Tape Measure

Hits: 2670

Why are dicks like fish?

You throw the small ones back, you keep the medium ones and you mount the big ones.

Let Me Introduce You To

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What did one whore's knee say to the other?

Nothing... they never met.

Not The Best Choice

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Why do men name their dicks?

They don't want ninety-five per cent of their decisions made by a total stranger.

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Do You Speak English?

A guy is screwing his girl friend in the park one night and they get caught by the local cop. A homeless guy who was living in the bushes was the only witness. On the day in court the couple plead not guilty so the bum has to testify. When asked what he saw he tells the judge: "They was fuckin'!"

The judge quickly admonishes him: "Sir, we don't like to use that kind of foul language in court. Try to describe what you saw in a nicer way or I will have to hold you in contempt!" The homeless guys tries again: "But your honor, they WAS fuckin'!"

"That's disrespect and contempt" said the judge and sentences him to two days in jail! Two days later he calls the homeless man back to the stand and oncee again asks: "What did you see this couple doing on the night in question?" The homeless guy repeats his statement: "I already told you, your Honor, they was fuckin'."

The judge slams down his gavel: "There's that WORD again. Now you get three days in jail!" And the poor guy is dragged off one more time. Three days pass and the homeless guy is back in front of the judge. "I'm going to give you just one more chance. Tell me what those two were doing that night! And do it without any more foul language!"

The bum thinks about it for a minute and finally says: "Your Honor, his pants were below his knees, his ass was flyin' in the breeze, his you-know-what was you-know-where, and if that ain't fuckin' you can gimme the chair."

No Need To Call The Police

It's Valentine's day! So ladies, don't you worry about getting me what you got me last year.

I have enough restraining orders already.

What's Cookin'

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't cook... they eat out.