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Dick Jokes

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The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Bring Out The Tape Measure

Hits: 2947

Why are dicks like fish?

You throw the small ones back, you keep the medium ones and you mount the big ones.

Let Me Introduce You To

Hits: 2843

What did one whore's knee say to the other?

Nothing... they never met.

Not The Best Choice

Hits: 2693

Why do men name their dicks?

They don't want ninety-five per cent of their decisions made by a total stranger.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Over My Dead Body

What would you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?

A widow.

More Than One Way To Please

The masochist begs: "Beat me, beat me."

The sadist smiles and says: "Nooooo!"

Is It Because I'm Blonde?

A blonde girl comes home from school one day and tells her mom: "We were learning our numbers today and everyone else could only count to 5, but I could count to 10. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!" The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her: "Yes it is."

The next day the blonde girl comes home from school and tells her mom: "We were learning our alphabets today and everyone else could only get to E, but I got to J. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!" The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her again: "Yes it is."

On the third day the blonde girl comes home from school and tells her mom: "Today we were in the showers after gym class and all of the other girls were flat chested, but I have these!" Whereupon the girl lifts her shirt revealing very large breasts.

Her mom tells her "Um... Great job honey." The girl asks her mom: "Is it because I'm blonde?"

Her mom replies "No dear, it's because you're 25."