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Dick Jokes

DJoke400X311

The Dick Joke
High art... from a low place.

Hits: 1837

What do you call a woman who can suck a lemon through a 40-foot garden hose.

Darling.

Hits: 2016

Why is a drunk at a massage parlor like a bumper sticker?

No matter how you pull it they're hard to get off.

Hits: 1805

How do you know who gives a good blow job?

Word of mouth.

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Don't Miss These Jokes!

Deal Me In

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card."

A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "I'm playing cards." "Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks.

His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

Time's Up

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the guy what he wants. He says, “Oh, just gimme a beer”.

The bartender asks him “What's wrong, you look really down.”. The man replied, “My wife and i got into a fight and she told me she wouldn't talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats the problem?”

The man said, “Well... the month's up tonight.”

Two Professionals Discussing Technique

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Range Rover when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in the shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Range Rover. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running."