And that's when the fight started...

FightStarted400X200

I'm just sayin... that's all.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.

I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me up all night!"

My wife told me I should be more affectionate.

So I told her I got a girlfriend.

And that's when the fight started...

My wife asked me to get her a watch for her birthday.

I told her, "What for...there's a clock on the stove!"

And that's when the fight started...

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What's a man's idea of a balanced diet?

A beer in each hand.

Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

Her friend replies, "Oh sure I do." So the first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second one answers: "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

What is the difference between a New York City taxi and an elephant?

The elephant has the trunk in the front and the asshole in the back.

Boring!