A laugh a day. It's not hard. Seriously.

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Just Plain Funny

PlainFunny400X200Not every laugh has to be a dick joke!

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Why do women have smaller feet than men?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

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Women are like guns.

Keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it.

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How is a woman like a hurricane?

When they come, they're loud and wet, and when they leave, they take your house and car.

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Things Are Not Always What They Seem To Be

At the Senior Citizens' mixer, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river and the gentleman asks the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right in the boat. When finished the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and then continued on down the river when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" There she went again, stripped off and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the old gentleman so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and so here they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river and the gentleman asks, "Well, do you want to go up or down?" The woman replied, "Down." A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asks the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asks, "What's the deal? Every time yesterday that I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing." She replied, "Well, yesterday I didn't have my hearing aid in and I thought you said 'fuck or drown'!"

On The Bus

A punk rocker type boards a bus. He's wearing a leather vest and pants, studded collar and cuffs, and he's sporting an 8" mohawk hairdo in a rainbow of colors.

An old guy just stares at him. Finally the punk looks over at the old guy and says: "What'sa matter old man. Didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"

The old guy looks back and says: "Yeah... I fucked a parrot one time. Thought you might be my kid."

Should Have Written A Pre-Nup

Husband: "What would you like for your anniversary, Sylvia?"

Wife: "A divorce, Bernie."

Husband: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

And that's when the fight started...